Are You Really Playing "Win - Win"?

I was thinking about this topic the other day as a friend of mine conveyed to me her disappoinment in the outcome of her dating situation. She was confiding in me that she was trying to play 'win - win' in order to have a happier, healthier relationship. She had the best of intentions, but things weren't turning out as she had hoped...

As we talked further it came as a shock to her that she was playing 'win - lose' in her relationship-- Correction, she was playing 'LOSE - win'. That means that she was letting the other person in her relationship get the 'win' but she was 'losing'.

Guess how that's working out?

I use this as an example because I see it all of the time-- in fact, I see it as one of the most common forms of delusion practiced in our highly delusional society.

Most of us are programed to see life a certain way. And although we hate to think of ourselves as these little 'robots' that run around predictably doing the same things over and over-- many of us are very close to that sort of consistancy... even if we are only consistent at being inconsistent.

For example, do you ever wonder how your significant other or best friend can finish your sentences? Or have you ever listened to yourself being interviewed? My experience has been that many of the answers, stories, or even jokes that come to mind are the same time after time. I kinda makes you wonder, right?

Well, that's a topic for another time, and what does picturing ourselves as little robots from some crazy Jetson's cartoon have to do with 'Win - Win'?

Well, I guess I'd better answer that before I've created a mutiny in only my 2nd blog...

So here it is... Playing 'Win - Win' and our perception of what that means, are already programmed into our smart little brains. This means that if you've thought you were playing 'Win - Win' but you've really been playing 'Lose - Win' or (the ever poplular version) 'Win - Lose' then you are doomed to repeat this process.

...Either that or you'll change once you've lost your self esteem, money, friendships, or anything else painful enough to make you re-evaluate your current state of 'playing with others'.

So how do you do this self examination? No, you don't need a microscope or one of those 'heart things' that your Dr. has around his neck...

You simply have to make a decision to stop running on auto pilot, and actually take the wheel of your drive through life. This means THINKING before you answer or act. This lost art of 'Thinkin' involves asking yourself- is this truly a 'Win' for me? Is this truly what the other person wants or what is best for them too? If the answer is 'No', then ask 'How can we make this the best of both worlds?'

I'll admit that this isn't easy, but it's much better than playing the victim the rest of your life. It's also reinforces the idea that YOUR feelings and needs are important too!

Yes, you heard me right. You matter! So keep that in mind, and stop fooling yourself into believing that giving others what THEY want- at YOUR expense- is a good thing.

It's NOT... because eventually you can't 'Give' any more, you can't even help yourself, and you've created people who are not pulling their own weight...

Think about it, be honest with yourself, and take the wheel!

~ Derick Van Ness